As the days lead up to the first Chemo session I feel like the condemned prisoner enjoying the last few meals.  I feel physically much stronger now, and am loving the freedom of relaxed days, yet the thought of what is to come looms threateningly. 
I speak to Jonathan, Rachel's husband,  on the phone about the trial drug.  He has been wonderful through this and gives me sound advice. He is a doctor, and has spoken to colleagues about the cancer. He suggests that if my chances are more than 80% it wouldn’t be worth having the additional drug.  If much lower, then I should go for it if that is what I want.  I really appreciate his support.
 I have booked a hypnotherapy session on Friday and am hoping it will put me in the right frame of mind.  I also have an acupuncture appointment following the first Chemo.  I hope I will be well enough to attend.  I still struggle to find meaning in what is happening to me.  I don’t like the thought of being dependant on the hospital for my survival.  It sits really uncomfortably with me and throws up difficult memories.
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