Post 24: 14th October

Diary14th October
Looking out of the window this morning I see a break in the successive days of grey gloom. The sun is shining in a vivid blue sky. I am motivated to try a longer walk than usual, so Chris and I make our way along the marshes towards Bembridge. From there we continue along the coastline heading for the lifeboat station. The views are stunning.
A few dog walkers roam the beach but it is otherwise calm and undisturbed. Waves chase each other in formation, coming to shore sideways like green combs through curly grey hair. The sunshine is watery but warm. As we walk along by the sea our feet sink deeply into the damp sand. It feels as though we are trudging through a giant marshmallow. Occasionally we must scrabble over rocks and groins to avoid the tide. I enjoy each moment, savouring the smells sights and sounds. We chatter as we walk, and the topic of male friends comes up. I tell him some of the stories I remember from my student days.

Malcolm was tall, gangly with sticky out ears, and he absolutely adored me. At first I was flattered to be the object of such attention, but gradually the novelty wore off. I didn’t mind his looks, but he was so serious it didn’t suit my personality at all. He would moon over me endlessly, telling me how much he loved me. I just couldn’t reciprocate. After a few weeks I was desperate to break it off, but didn’t quite know how. One evening at my house he was sitting in the front room holding my hand and suddenly said:
“You know I love you so much if you leave me I will kill myself” Bearing in mind I was barely 15, I really couldn’t handle the drama. I wasn’t sure what to do. We were moving from Stratford to Barkingside, so I just didn’t give him the new address or indeed tell him I was leaving the area. I felt bad about it afterwards, but it seemed the only way to manage the situation. I often wonder how he reacted when he found out!
Mum and Dad were very protective of me as far as boys were concerned, so I had all the usual warnings. During my University year in Germany I had my share of boyfriends but what I vividly remember was an arrangement I wanted to make with a fellow student with whom I was not romantically involved. I was due home for the summer break and one of the Theology students who had a girlfriend in Scotland was making the trip to England in his car. He suggested a car share, and I was delighted. It was a cheap way for me to return to the UK. I rang Mum and told her.
“Oh no, you can’t possibly share a car with a male student. You hardly know him. He could rape you”.
At this point I started laughing.
“No Mum, you don’t understand. He has a girlfriend. He is not remotely interested in me. Besides he is 6ft 4ins and like a beanpole. He really isn’t my type at all. He is studying the Bible. His mind is on other things I promise you.”
Mum was still worried and I could hear Dad chuntering in the background:
“No absolutely not. Very dangerous”. I could visualise his disapproving pout and shake of the head.
Eventually, convinced that Theo really did have a girlfriend in Scotland, they reluctantly agreed to my making the journey on the understanding that Theo would spend one night at our house before making his way on to Scotland.
We arrived as arranged and Dad opened the door. I saw his eyes move from Theo’s size twelve feet, up his long thin body to his thick black-rimmed glasses and acne-pitted face. Dad moved quickly into the lounge hiding his enormous grin in a handkerchief and pretending to blow his nose. It was probably relief that my description had been so accurate. Theo spoke not a word of English so that evening at dinner I was translating from English into German for Theo, and back again for Mum and Dad. Half way through the meal Mum looked at me blankly. I realised I’d unwittingly spoken to her in German!
I think my parents trusted my judgement a little more after that episode.