We arrived home yesterday; the prognosis is awful. The cancer has returned in my pelvis and there is nothing else they can do. They have given me a few months to live.
Of course I am shocked; this is so unexpected. I knew there was a chance it might return, but not quite so quickly.
So now I have to come to terms with everything. Naturally I intend to fight tooth and nail for as much time as I can. I aim to do as many things as possible each day that make me happy. I won’t mope; that is a waste. The worst part is the thought of saying goodbye to friends and family, and not seeing them again. The easier bit for me is death. I am nervous of the process but have been assured that it will be managed well via the GP and the palliative team, so I shouldn’t have to suffer. I could get another obstruction, so I can take preventative measures. Otherwise there will be no more trips to hospital, no more scans; that is the plus side.
I told a close friend and colleague the news and she has told everyone at school. I had a call today from the Head Teacher. They are calling the Support Centre after me (The Lin Sheffrin Student Support Centre) since I founded it. There will also be a plaque and a book for students and ex students to write in. She assures me I will not be forgotten. I realise that there isn’t anything anyone can really say about this. I can’t think what to say either. I thought about giving up on the Blog in case it started to sound too ‘morbid’ but have decided to carry on, picking out mainly the positives and the amusing incidents. Another thing to leave behind when I go, to add to the memoir.
The doctors think that a trip to Canada will be too much for me, but I want to see Rachel Jonathan and the Grandchildren again, so I still intend to travel in early September. Other than that I think I will just ask friends to come and see us if they want.
It was a strange trip to Southampton this time. The lift arrived exactly on time, we walked directly onto the Red Jet ferry and straight onto the free bus to the station. Just as we arrived the hospital bus pulled in. No hitches, no glitches. I didn’t even have to wait long for a bed this time, and by 1pm I was taken to ward E7. As usual there were some interesting fellow patients. When I saw the lady in the first bed I took a deep breath; it was ‘moaning Minnie’, still moaning, but now on the E ward with me as opposed to the F ward…oh great! Sheila in the bed opposite was telling Jean about the lunch she’d had. “The roast lamb was ok except the black bits”. Not much change there then.
I caught a glimpse of Sue, the domestic and Tea\coffee lady I befriended in E8. She was thrilled to see me. She told me all about her recent holiday in Greece. What a remarkable difference from those initial dour glances and tossing back of her salt and pepper course hair.
Conversations hadn’t changed much either. Overhearing this one, I couldn’t help but smile.
Nurse (shouting from her chair across the room to Margaret): Have you weeed today?
Margaret: Twice in the night
Nurse: But not today
Margaret: Well I went twice but couldn’t open my bowels
Nurse (relieved, still shouting) so you have weeed.
Margaret (finally) Oh yes, someone took me.
Not one of the best places for safeguarding personal privacy
More to follow...
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