The first scan is over. It was in a mobile lorry outside the BUPA hospital in Southampton.
The man who administers the radioactive isotope is friendly and informs me that each injection costs £400, which is why he inserts a canula; he can’t afford to take a risk that the vein might collapse. He tells me he will leave the glucose to go round my body for about twenty-five minutes then he will return. I am surprised when the sliding door opens after only a couple of minutes. He looks at me oddly.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” His tone is tentative and I wonder what on earth he means.
“They have ringed male”
The words mean nothing to me and I ask for an explanation. He shows me the paperwork. Where it says MALE/ FEMALE I am down as the former! I assure him that I am definitely female, and can’t help chuckling.
“I have to ask. We sometimes have transvestites”
I am wearing loose comfortable trousers, dingly dangly earrings, and my name is Linda…should I be worried?
He is clearly relieved that I am not offended. So much so that when he returns after the prerequisite half hour he says:
“Ready when you are sir!”
I have received a letter from an ex-colleague, Linda. She always described herself as mad as a hatter, but she has excelled herself this time. She has sent me some Holy Water from St Winifred’s Well, which apparently cured her dog of liver problems. She writes:
“ Holy water is for everyone. .. Suggest you drink a little, put some on your tummy where your liver is and put some on your forehead for it can relieve stress of the mind by doing that and so help the body. As we live in a free country none of this is compulsory though”
I will of course drink the Holy Water and rub it in as suggested. I will try anything. I doubt her dog was a Catholic but it worked for him….
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