Though I had made up my mind not to fight the side effects this time and have had two days in pyjamas I wake up this morning feeling like a caged tiger. My hands are still painful each morning for at least two hours before the symptoms abate. I will try and brave the outdoors later, but I am dreading it, as I know that even with hand warmers it will be painful and frustrating. I know I should just take one day at a time and not think about how much more lies ahead but that is a tough call right now. Most days I can count my blessings, but sometimes it just doesn’t work and I collapse into a miserable heap. Poor Chris; he is so supportive but he has a lot on his plate right now putting up with me and these Chemo induced mood swings.
Fortunately it was relative mild outside so the venture into the outdoors was not too daunting and I felt better for having made the effort. I think part of the problem is my expectation of feeling well as opposed to poorly. That makes it difficult to accept these painful physical reactions. My face becomes contorted by the cool air, as a direct result of the Chemo. I have to warm it up to relax the muscles. I refuse to let any of this stop me from going out.
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