Then I meet with the Head who is amazingly supportive. She talks about the reorganisation of the school and tells me that she is looking to find redundancy packages for anyone over 55 if they want them though she makes it absolutely clear that she will hold my job open for me for as long as my recovery takes. I tell her I am interested in the redundancy. We talk about an early retirement on Medical Grounds and she says that she will work hard with my union rep to secure both. That is very good news if if can be lined up properly. I need to have it in place within six months before my salary reduces to zero! She invites the rep into her office and he agrees to come and visit me before my operation so we can start the ball rolling. Then the Head asks me how I am coping with these horrendous events. I explain that all the time I am looking for what messages are in this for me. She probes further and wants to know what messages I have found. I am surprised she is interested on a personal level, but it seems genuine enough. I try to be as honest as I can.
“Well I recognise that as a control freak, I cannot control everything. This illness is probably the only thing that would have stopped me continuing to work full time. I know that I need to step back, find some ‘me’ time and explore my creative side by painting and writing” The question is a useful one and I think she is fascinated by the answer. She asks me if my training has helped me cope. I have to admit that giving advice and support to others is easier than dishing it out to myself! Before we finish the Head tells me that I have made more of an impact on the school since I’ve been there than any other teacher. She is full of praise for my work, and tells me that they all miss me desperately.
“We have a difficult intake this year and I know that had you been here you would have ‘cracked’ them by now. The others are coping but it is a struggle”.
When I tell her that the operation is not without significant risk, she asks me whether I have considered how I would want to be remembered if things do go wrong; if there is anything that as a school they could do. Clearly I haven’t explored that avenue but it is food for thought.
I come away with mixed feelings; relieved that financially I am on the way to being sorted, and that my role there has been recognised. I feel a little sad that my work was brought to such an abrupt halt with no ‘wind down’ time. It feels very odd to know that I won’t be going back. The Head assures me there would be openings for me in the Education Authority in a much reduced capacity, maybe even as a volunteer, whatever happens to Carisbrooke.
Put out to pasture......
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